Sometimes Before

So, this one time, i got so damn drunk, we had like 3 bottles of vodka or so. By being totally annihilated, I went to this club and of course, by all chances at this drukness i dont see the damn glass door in front of myself. So, what do I do? I smash my face off the door while the club is full, everyone is turning around and I'm like....I MEANT TO DO THAT!!!
sometimes before...
Once upon a time, me and my friend (let's name him purfufna) were walking down the street drunk as hell, and he started hugging the traffic light and talking to it. I thought he was joking, because we were not as nearly as wasted as we could be, but he continued. After I dragged him to the nearest bar, he started telling a tale of how he met his ex 15 minutes ago near the traffic light, and she started kissing him immediately. What a wonka!
sometimes before...
Once, after mixing a lot of strong drinks including but not limited to : vodka, gin, wiskey ... I locked myself in the toilet of a bar i was in. I couldn't unlock the door for what seemed like an eternity :). My friends got worried and called me on my phone asking where i went. I tried to explain ( i don't remember a lot). They called the bar manager and gave him the phone to talk to me. He started guiding me through the "complex process" of unlocking the toilet door step by step veeeery slowly :). I finally got out somehow, only to realize that there wasn't even a key in the door. It was one of those locks that you only have to turn left/right to lock/unlock :). Cheers from Macedonia :)
sometimes before...
I have a friend who is very gullible when drunk. As we were going home after a crazy night of drinking, he went into a field by the road to take a piss. Suddenly, we started yelling he was in a mine field! He stopped in shock, stood on one leg, wobbling, started to shriek! He yelled for his family, regretting he couldn't kiss his mother a final time. He then phoned a friend (who was right there with us) to come and save him. When the friend came to the field 2 seconds after the call, he was in awe of how fast he was! So we organised a whole extraction operation, carrying out the little bastard safely to the concrete :)
sometimes before...
I’m married to a black women with whom I have 2 daughters. I also have so deranged relatives that they think my girls are not mine, because they do not have my skin color,
and they do not refrain at all from saying it openly in the presence of my wife. On my wife persuasion I did a DNA test that finds my daughters are realy mine. And now, when I'm up for a visit to Bosnia with a gift, I have to bring these DNK tests with me to get rid of my family talk about my daughters and put an end to it once and for all.
And then people wonder why I'm glad I left Bosnia and all of them 9 years ago and in return I got a family I love endlessly.

Black woman!
sometimes before...