Just a standard crazy night

I have a friend who is very gullible when drunk. As we were going home after a crazy night of drinking, he went into a field by the road to take a piss. Suddenly, we started yelling he was in a mine field! He stopped in shock, stood on one leg, wobbling, started to shriek! He yelled for his family, regretting he couldn't kiss his mother a final time. He then phoned a friend (who was right there with us) to come and save him. When the friend came to the field 2 seconds after the call, he was in awe of how fast he was! So we organised a whole extraction operation, carrying out the little bastard safely to the concrete :)
sometimes before...
I’m married to a black women with whom I have 2 daughters. I also have so deranged relatives that they think my girls are not mine, because they do not have my skin color,
and they do not refrain at all from saying it openly in the presence of my wife. On my wife persuasion I did a DNA test that finds my daughters are realy mine. And now, when I'm up for a visit to Bosnia with a gift, I have to bring these DNK tests with me to get rid of my family talk about my daughters and put an end to it once and for all.
And then people wonder why I'm glad I left Bosnia and all of them 9 years ago and in return I got a family I love endlessly.

Black woman!
sometimes before...
I recently woke up to find I had messaged six girls I know, to tell them that they were wearing really nice eye makeup that day and that they looked very pretty.

sometimes before...
Went on a trip last week to Belgrade with four of my friends we started drinking Jagermeister as a warmup before we go out clubbing we were getting ready and dressed. We all dressed shirts with blazers on and one of my friends couldn’t seem to find his blazer till I came out of bathroom after 10 mins and saw one of them had on blazer twice his size and other were so drunk that they didn’t notice that one of them was wearing his lost blazer.
sometimes before...
After night of drinking with my BFF we wanted to drive home with my car and it was older model of Audi that you needed to lock/unlock manually no keyless and I couldn’t seem to unlock the car so we called locksmith he came and unlocked the car, turns out that wasn’t even my car (it was same model)…my car was nearby.
sometimes before...